roseembolism | Not your normal filk: 88 Rumors about 44 Fantasists.

So this all started on metafilter, where we were discussing Orson Scott Card and "Hamlet's Father". Someone started a list of writers and their dark habits, and someone else noted that this list could be set to the tune of "88 lines about 44 women. One thing led to another, and this horrifyingly brilliant thing was the result:

(Courtesy of lousybunch)

Vonnegut was maudlin,
World War 2 still shook him up. (1)
Borges was provincial,
Poured his wine into a cup. (2)
Nabokov was classist
And crypto-libertarian. (3)
Bradbury became a crank
As an octogenarian. (4)

Asimov showed gender bias,
was a product of his age. (5)
Orson Card, a closet case,
Spewed his hate onto the page. (6)
Heinlein had a special way
Of making incest seem ok. (7)
PKD's bizarro visions
Signified mental decay.(8)

Hogan denied the Holocaust
Left his reader's mouth's agape. (9)
McCaffrey thought you'd turn gay
If you suffered anal rape. (10)
Clarke was called a Pederast
Lived with boys in old Ceylon. (11)
Nivens wished that you were dead
If your name's Jose or Juan. (12)

Conan Doyle snorted coke
then photoed fairies on the glen (13)
Grossman, though he was a geek,
pissed off genre fiction fans. (14)
Jose Farmer fanficked Burton,
made enemy of Vonnegut (15)
Lizzie Bear blogged on the other,
racefail arguments won't stop. (16)

John C. Wright was homophobic,
wrote of spanking teenagers. (17)
Ellison was widely-known
as tittie-twist extraordinaire. (18)
Simmons was a xenophobe,
hoped the Arab race would end. (19)
MZB was liberated,
fine with husband's young boyfriends (20)

Tolkien made a Middle Earth
But never knew just when to quit (21)
Sturgeon overcriticized,
called most of creation shit (22)
Harry Harrison's best known
character might be a crook (23)
[Harry Harrison is oft for
Julian Assange mistook. (23)]
And Neil Stephenson, the sap
Never learned how to end a (24)

Leiber spent a dozen years
Struggling with poverty. (25)
Chip Delany wrote novels
full of fun pornography. (26)
Illuminatus Bob Anton
Was drugged well past his wits (27)
Crichton thought that he was smarter--
Ignored climatologists (28)

Mieville hated Tolkien's work
has no time for romantics (29)
Banks wrote the Culture books
hippies in high tech ships (30)
Lem hated those who wrote
On the west side of the globe. (31)
H.P Lovecraft hated more -
was a racist xenophobe. (32)

Robert Asprin was clever
His works were hit or myth (33)
Martin's work is dark and rapey
Says fanfic doth infringeth (34)
Bester worked on television,
had freaky Dianetic trips (35)
Cherryh transcends genre
With worldcraft and gender ish (36)

Donaldson keeps cashing in
On his early glory days. (37)
Adams couldn't keep a deadline,
filled his editors with rage. (38)
Anthony wrote a volume
all about women's panties. (39)
Moore made superheroes into
Mental case vigilantes. (40)

Neil Gaiman is twitter's darling;
once he wrote for Doctor Who. (41)
Cassandra Clare plagiarized,
made all of those fangirls stew. (42)
L. Ron Hubbard was, of course,
The first Scientologist. (43)
Alice Sheldon known as Tiptree,
I chose you to end this list. (44)

---

Created
by Metafilter users Ber, Faint of Butt, grubi, infinitewindow, Hactar,
Joey Michaels, Lovecraft in Brooklyn, PhoBWanKenobi, RMD, seanmpuckett,
straight, "This, Of Course Alludes To You" and zed. Arrangement and
editing by PhoBWanKenobi.

Now, I have someone who will recite the lyrics, I just need recording arrangements, and someone who can do background music. We have here something that can cause a riot at a filk con (just think of all those dignified filkers shouting and waving their mandolins and lap-harps). It can get us banned from Worldcon, and result in nasty editorials by tor.com. Such a glorious thing needs to be done

Not your normal filk: 88 Rumors about 44 Fantasists.

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