roseembolism | (no subject)

So they've caught Jessie James Hollywood, sunning himself on a beach in Brazil. I'm glad, for though I've never met the man, I hate him- not so much personally, but because of what he did. My personal stake in this is minor and probably absurdly selfish...

Lizard's Mouth is a boulder field at the top of Camino Cielo, overlooking Santa Barbara. It is easy to access from the road, but is actually one of the most beautiful spots in Santa Barbara. On the one hand, you have limestone carved into intricate shapes, boulders balanced on crevices, caves, and a large outcrop that resembles a giant lizard's head . In the other direction is a magnificent view of the entire sweep of the central coast , from Ventura, to Gaviota, out to the islands.

I've never known if the Chumash Indians, the original natives of Santa Barbara considered the site holy: they probably did, as it makes a good natural shrine. Frankly, it has (to sound like a sage burning New Age mystic), a sacred feeling to it. I'm hardly religious, but it was my favorite spot to come and meditate, watch the sunset and the fog rolling in like giant waves into the lower valleys. If I have any sense of spirituality, it was developed largely while sitting alone with the rock and manzanita, and the constant wind keening around me.

I knew there were other people who didn't feel the way I did- there were in places drifts of broken glass from decades of drunk teens using it as a party location, and I could find brass from shooters who didn't want to use the nearby rifle club. But still the
place was beautiful, grand, and seemed to overlook the minor indignities the humans heaped on it.

And then Jessie James Hollywood kidnapped Nicholas Markowitz, took him up to Lizards Mouth, shot him, and left him in a shallow grave. All because of a fouled up drug deal.

I haven't been back there since. Not solely a murder, Jessie James' action seemed to defile Lizard's Mouth. Like pissing in a baptismal or grinding a torah to dirt, to me, the place has been tainted, brought down to the level of the worst of humanity. Some people can't simply destroy themselves, they have to bring everything around them to their level, whether people or a place. That to me is what Hollywood did, turned that place to his idea of a garbage heap.

Now he has been caught, finally, as I knew he eventually would be. The amoral petty thug faces justice, and I have no sympathy for him. But with his capture, a chapter has ended; it's time for me to make peace with what happened at Lizards Mouth, to acknowledge the truth of what happened and leave behind my outrage. It is time now for me to remember the place as it was, is and will be.

So sometime soon, I will go up to Lizard’s Mouth one last time, and visit the grave of Nicholas Markowitz, and leave flowers on it. Then I will go up on the Lizard's Mouth itself, and maybe watch the fog roll in below me, in huge waves like a grey sea. I will reflect on how one death can change the place, but not destroy it.