The Simple LARP Guide to Vampire Clans

To cheer myself up after a really depressing morning, I've decided to do a helpful guide for an upcoming LARP.  

racerxmachina and others of my friends haven't played Vampire, and so don't know what the various clans are.   So, to help them out, here's a simple guide:

 
 
 
 
GUIDE TO THE VAMPIRE CLANS:


Clan Boy-Toy Dork, AKA Clan Poser:  This is the clan for people who still like Anne Rice; They constantly talk a lot about beauty, and tragedy, write bad poetry, and use their special power "Vogue" a lot.  They don't drink blood, subsisting on cappacino drinks.

Clan Brew-Haha, AKA Clan Slamdancer:  They are mammals, and they fight ALL of the time.  They are supposed to be rebels, but can't agree what to rebel against,  except whatever's within punching range.  They like to stomp around in combat books and talk tough.

Clan Wolverine: These are the nature vampires: they're tough, mean fighters, and like the woods and animals- up to the point of sometimes looking like animals.  They say "Bub" and "Snickt" a lot.

Clan The Man, AKA Clan Pot bellied Pigs: These are the guys who are usually in charge, and are political overachievers due to their name actually translating out to "Pot bellied Pig".  Pity them, because they have to rule over the rest of the crew.

Clan Ooglay, AKA "Clan "Whatsthatsmell?": Every clique needs a token ugly person, and these guys are it.  They live in sewers, but seem to know everything that's going on.  They're favorite hobby is standing around with their arms crossed over their chests.

Clan Bozo, AKA Clan Your Not Playing one of them in MY game:  these are the annoyingly crazy vampires: identifiable as the vampires dressed in pajamas and a teddy bear, or running around hitting people with a fish.  Or the ones dead five minutes into the game at the hands of the other, annoyed vampire players.

Clan (Name owned by Another Company), AKA Clan Wait, we're not playing Ars Magica?  This is the clan made up of the people who thought Mages were the best thing in D&D, so they claim to be mages made into vampires, and no, not twinks at all, really.  They have Magic Powerz, are really mysterious, and get beat up a lot by people with no patience for that kind of crap.

And some others:

The Sabbat Clans:

Clan Labomba, AKA Clan Twink: This is a clan of vampires that are also political, suave, and eviler than Clan The Man.  You can tell they're eviler because they control shadows.  And no, they don't have a major inferiority complex, no not at all.  They just formed the Sabbat to have their OWN club.

Clan Tze...Tzisc...Tzish...AKA Clan Ah hell, who can pronounce that name anyway?  These are the really creepy vampires who have creepy powers that can shape flesh into creepy things.  Have I mentioned they're really creepy?


OTHER CLANS:

Clan Set-up.  AKA, Clan Bad Pulp Villains: A group of Egyption vampires dedicated to corrupting and controlling other vampires for their masters.  In what way this makes them different from other vampires I don't know.  In a pinch they can turn into giant snakes, which as everybody knows, never helps.

Clan Ass-Munch, AKA Clan We're Not a Racist Steriotype, Really!: A bunch of middle-easter assassin vampires, that hate everybody and are really good at killing.  Recognizable by the fact that they tend to die within minutes of being revealed, because nobody likes combat munchkins.

Clan Three-Eyes, AKA Clan We're not REALLY ripping off  the anime 3x3 Eyes: A clan of three-eyed pacifistic vampires that heal people.  No, I don't know what the point is either.

Clan Lesbian Wolverine, AKA Clan Not Appearing in this Game: An all-female minor vampire clan that actually had some cool abilities and background.  So cool, that White Wolf killed them all off.

Clan Farie Vampire, AKA Clan I Really Wanted to Play Changeling Instead: a bunch of vampires with faerie dream powers, sort of, and an appearance that wasn't trying to rip off Dream fromthe Sandman comics, no sir, not at all. 

Clan Diva, AKA Clan Will You Please SHUT UP!: A clan of musical vamps.  They sang, and um, had powers based on singing...and well, they sang.  A lot.

AND FINALLY...

Clan Asian Vampires, AKA Clan Wire Fu:  A clan of foreign vampires, based around the idea that anything the western vamps could do, they could do better or cooler.  Though they invaded the west coast of the US, it turned out the only thing their powers were good for was igniting fanboy flame wars.