Who the HELL is a Dan Brown?

Context:

I write like
Dan Brown

I Write Like by Mémoires,

Oh. That's who. How utterly humiliating.

Anyway, that's what I got when I did the writing analysis of my last "Under the Green Moon" story. When I tossed some character backgrounds for a Heroquest game into the shredder I got:

I write like
H. P. Lovecraft

I Write Like by Mémoires,

*sigh* Is it too early in the day to start drinking heavily yet?

A legal letter I wrote to the government received this result:

I write like
Margaret Atwood

I Write Like by Mémoires,

You heard it here people! Margaret Atwood reads like a formal appeal to a labor relations board!

Finally, I tried my resume:

I write like
Vladimir Nabokov

I Write Like by Mémoires,

Maybe I should stick to writing resumes. Or maybe I should just crawl under the bed with the cats.

Edit: links taken out due to site being a vanity press.